October and November roundup

The year’s drawing to a close, and the last few months have been unremarkable for this blog. But also, I got a bit lazy because my September roundup was so insufferably long, and I wasn’t keen on writing that much again. Aha.

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I updated my site. A bit.

When I first started, I wanted an online portfolio. This site was meant to be my online business card in my career as a technical writer. I was at a point in my career where I felt like I’d reached the end of the line, and that the only way forward was to freelance, or at least, build my own brand.

The way I use my site no longer reflects that. (I have been blessed to have found a workplace where I could grow so much, and mentors who care very much). Therefore, I will leave my professional presence to LinkedIn.

On a side note, I published a page called Advocacies, where I wanted to share what I value in life. Have a look if you’re interested. It’s not 100% fleshed out, and a bit wordy for my taste. But it’s a start.

A few get-togethers, but no photos

We had a farewell dinner with Parney and Leah, before they flew to California for a new life. It was a simple dinner at Blackbird. It’s a bit bittersweet to think that we never thought there would be a last time—a last brunch at Wildflour, a last dinner at Lagrima, but lives goes on. Ben and I are already planning our ‘North American tour’ in a few years’ time, God willing. Then we’ll get to visit them. And my family scattered all over the West Coast. While we’re at it, we might visit Canada. I have an uncle a four-hour drive away from my mum. And Ben wants to watch a hockey game.

I also caught up with my relatives in Manila, from my mother’s side. I mentioned that I lost an uncle to COVID-19 a few months back. I attended a small get-together with the family in the south to commemorate his 40^th day since death (it must be a Filipino-Catholic thing).

I got to take a few days off work and a change of pace. I stayed over at my aunt’s place in Las Piñas a couple of days. Time passed slowly compared to my apartment with Ben. Tita Mari taught me to make tokwa na may oyster sauce. It was sublime.

I changed up my routine a bit to accommodate DST

The UK recently went off of British Summer Time. Meanwhile, Australia (except Queensland) springs forward, because they’re in the southern hemisphere and everything’s upside-down there (they even call their conservative government, the ‘liberal’ government. Like, mind blown.)

As I work with mostly London counterparts while Ben works with mostly Melbourne counterparts, this created a two-hour gap in our routines. I wanted to work an hour later. Ben wanted to work an hour earlier. This created some conflicts, for example, with waking time, bedtime, and our common dinner time.

After a few hours of exchanging feedback and fine-tuning, we landed on this:

Key changes here:

• I pushed dinner an hour later and removed my evening walkies to maximise overlap with London and Sweden before their lunch hours hit.
• My walkies have been reduced to every other day, instead of every day. It also shifted from late afternoon to morning. The morning walks have been much more refreshing as there are fewer people out and I get to do other things I hadn’t done before. More on that below.
• It also means that I have less time to dawdle in the morning, as I’m either going on my walks or working out. Ben noticed before that on non-gym mornings I tend to leisurely spend my mornings on my phone or watching YouTube anyway. Ideally I would be taking this time to catch up on chores—putting dishes away, putting in a new load of laundry, folding, etc.
• As for chores, I do a 23/7 or 20/10 split on my Pomodoro timer when I start work. My rule is I have to get up and move around during breaks, and not just stay sat at my desk browsing social media. This has done wonders for me in keeping the house tidy.
• I also wind down immediately after work now. I used to have a half-hour to just… go on downtime and do whatever I want. Ben was worried that this loss of leisure time would affect my mood, but my mind going from ‘work’s done’ to ‘go to bed’ has actually made me fall asleep much quicker.

My morning walks have been so rewarding

I like the idea of knowing your neighborhood, and just getting a feel of what’s going on in your community. For some reason, my morning walks give me that atmosphere more than my evening walks. I see people up and about. I check our mailbox more often. I get to run an errand or two at our building’s office without my feeling like I have to set aside time for it.

I’ve taken to feeding the birds while I’m out.

The biggest discovery, however, were the fruit and vegetable stalls outside our building that I had never noticed before. Prior, Ben and I would run out of vegetables (or they’d go bad) midweek and one of us would have to make the trip to Shang to stock up on veggies. Pickings are usually arbitrary. For example, it’s hard to find a good bundle of asparagus. I’d want green onions and pechay on my Friday fried rice, but then they’d all be wilted and gone when the day rolls in.

The stalls offer vegetables that are fresher and plumper than what Rustan’s offers. Best of all, they’re package-free, and not ‘wrapped in condoms’ as Ian once put it. I really should take a photo.

So, in a nutshell, my morning walks feel more meaningful and vibrant because I get to do other things and run an errand or two while I’m at it.

Ben started taking Tagalog lessons

It started from a cursory conversation with our friend Chris over dinner. Ben said he struggled with self-learning the language (any inputs from me led to more confusion). Chris mentioned this site, called Verbling, that linked you to language tutors.

Ben found an amazing tutor on Verbling—her name is Carmela. To start, she was born and raised in Laguna, so she’s authentic Katagalugan. She also took up Araling Pilipino (Philippine studies), not to mention a very decorated work experience with languages. Here’s her profile.

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On a side note, my sister copped some flak recently on Facebook for stating in a public post that Filipino is not a ‘profitable language’. It makes me a little sad how we devalue our own cultural heritage. Being able to speak Filipino (or Tagalog) is not a marketable skill, perhaps, but it’s not worthless. Ben sought to learn it and struggled to find a teacher. Even I couldn’t find his teacher on Verbling by navigating their site. I had to resort to googling ‘Verbling Filipino’.

Last night I was watching this YouTube video by Eat Sleep Dream English, and I realised, the world is very taken by British accents, but I realise, even Filipino and Japanese and Chinese accents have interesting regional variations. Kim mentioned to me before that she found the ‘Beijing standard’ Mandarin slurred. I told Ben that I would totally watch a video showcasing regional accents in the Philippines.

I know for example that Palawan Tagalog is markedly different, having grown up there.

Incidentally, Ben asked Carmela why the word ito sounds like ‘eto’. She explained that it’s an affectation in Manila to pronounce ‘i’ as ‘e’ in Tagalog words. To me, this explains why, in high school, I remember a transfer student, Sam, pronounce gabi (taro), ‘ga-be‘. She had lived in the Manila, and confused an entire classroom and the teacher when she insisted that she was saying the word correctly.

Garden cleanup

Ben took the first step by finally hauling all the crap I had there that I ‘would use some time’. Mostly empty plastic pots with soil in them. Reused plastic containers that I kept to use as planters in my zeal for zero waste. A seed-starter tray I haven’t put away or used again even after all the seedlings in it have died or failed to germinate.

I also removed plants that no longer ‘spark joy’. I have a huge aloe plant and a borderline invasive mother of thousands plant that I realise I didn’t care for anymore. I just saw them as clutter. So I gave them away to my building’s plant group. Same goes for their pups that were really just cluttering the balcony.

Upped my home composting game by setting up a second bin. Kitchen compost bucket. For the first time, I actually used my own compost to amend my own soil, and while transplanting new native plants and tree seedlings I bought over a long weekend.

Decluttering on Carousell

The Christmas and new year holidays are a good time to clean up and spiff up the house to greet the new year. I’ve started up decluttering on Carousell once more. See my profile here.

I will probably be much more active here in the new year, as we anticipate our move to Melbourne in the near future. I’m not really seeking profit and Ben continually reminds me that I don’t really need the extra money, but I’ve found that people can be so picky and entitled even as you give stuff away for free.

In the past I used to be active in a Facebook group that was similar to the Buy Nothing Project. That is, you simply put stuff out there for free in hope that someone will find good use for the things you no longer want. What happened was people see free stuff and greedily claim everything they can regardless of whether or not they need it.

But that’s forgivable. After all, you longer want this stuff and you just want someone else to take them, so what’s it to you how people make use of them, right? What’s worse is when you realise that people do not value what they do not pay for. They’ll drag their feet and ghost you, or realise they don’t want to put in the time, money, and effort to pick up your stuff. I’ve had incredible none-the-wiser donees who happily gave me their address, fully expecting me to post my stuff to them out of pocket.

Posting things for sale, at a reasonable market value, separates people who are just being greedy from people who are intentional with what they want. Even then, I keep getting low-balled left and right on Carousell. It actually gets me down. That’s when Ben reminds me to take the offer because 1) someone probably wants and needs my stuff more than I do and 2) I don’t need the money and clutter.

The flipside of this are people who have much more, and treat any donation drive as an excuse to dump their garbage. I chatted a neighbor in my building who told me of donors who gave away ratty shirts and bras with missing straps, unceremoniously packed in garbage bags. She had been running a donation drive for the victims of Typhoon Ulysses. ‘It’s like they simply made me take out their trash,’ is what she told me.

Charity is not supposed to be on your terms. It’s supposed to be on the terms of the needy. I’m sure you’ve had relatives who kept pushing old clothes on you, as if you were grateful to have a button-down so trendy it’s unwearable, or neon-green shoes you will never use. I am wary of being this person, and so if I think something I own is worth spending money on, I sell it; and if I find something unsellable but otherwise useable, I post it online for willing takers. If I find something utterly useless and not worth going after, I do what I have to do—recycle or dispose of it.

A classic example of misguided charity is Jason Sadler’s infamous 1 Million Shirts Project, with which he envisioned donating a million shirts to the ‘needy people in Africa’. This met with a lot of objections: 1) pouring free shirts into a country disrupts the local textile industry and robs people of their livelihoods. 2) No one asked for these shirts. 3) It makes more sense to finance a local supplier to make garments that are actually appropriate for its recipients 4) Nobody wants to wear a cobbled-together wardrobe of ill-fitting, unwanted garments because apparently you’re dirt, and you should feel blessed to wear unwanted things that greater people deigned to give you, because it’s what you deserve.

If this makes you bristle, or otherwise uncomfortable with the vicious cycle of stuff, this is also why so many Millenials have taken to things like ‘minimalism’, ‘intentionality’, and sustainability. You can read me ramble on about this in my advocacies page.

Speaking of charity, it’s the most wonderful time of the year

Christmas is close to my heart. For one, I was born in December. For another, I have so many happy memories of Christmas in my childhood.

The air is cooler, the atmosphere is more festive, people seem happier, and, due to the stimulus that is the 13^th month pay, ‘thanksgiving and blessings’ abound by spoiling yourself, apparently.

I’m careful to take this time for reflection, and as with the traditional Catholic view, this is a penitential season for prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. Traditionally, Advent was treated as a ‘Little Lent’. I’ve put a moratorium on spending on nonessentials, and I’ve capped off gift-shopping for the people I love, with what I hope are well-thought out gifts that remind them that, despite the distance, I am thinking of them this season.

Ben already knows I bought him this award-winning whiskey because I was being airheaded when it arrived:

Me, on the phone: ‘Hey, the reception says we have a delivery for alcohol. Did you order booze?’

Ben: ‘So I take my whiskey has arrived.’

Me: ‘!!!!’

What bothers me is that I wish I could do more for other people on Christmas Day. Building staff that have to keep working, or people in the streets that have nothing. Last year, Ben and I toyed with the idea of making a bulk order from Jollibee, and handing them to people in the streets as we found them. But this didn’t work because 1) Aren’t we essentially forcing other people to work to be able to do this? and 2) we don’t exactly have a ‘designated homeless people’ area to go to. Cooking is beyond my capabilities as last year I couldn’t even prepare a simple banquet for myself and Ben without it blowing up into a spat about chores and mental load. To be very fair, it was my fault for poor planning, and insisting on cooking up a luminous feast, and I have since admitted it and apologised to Ben. (Love you, Ben! I promise I got dis this time around.)

I wish there was a soup kitchen or homeless shelter I could check out. IMO, it’s a really Western concept. Ben told me I’m going to love Melbourne because I can actually volunteer in places like that.

If you have any ideas for me, let me know. It’s a bit difficult in this pandemic.

Plugging a pet project

Oh, and by the way, that Facebook page I embedded. It’s mine. I run it. I was too shy to share in on my network on Facebook and too proud to ask friends to like it. But if you find it interesting, please do give it a like.

The page was borne out of my frustration as a practicing Filipino-Catholic. I turned away from the faith in my youth because I believe the faithful community is just terrible at catechesis. What does it mean to be Catholic? Why do we uphold these beliefs? How do we express our piety in our day-to-day lives? Most of my meaningful answers, I got online from other communities (particularly US-based ones). But I wanted to express my faith, as a Filipina, in a meaningful way that goes beyond devotions to the Holy Rosary, going on processions, or showing up on Sunday mass as a bare minimum.

Okay, so my post has been ranty and bordering on virtue-signalling. My apologies. I told you nothing much has been going on with my life. Here are two more points to close this roundup:

Slowing down

The last few months I’ve been caught up at work and generally being down on myself. A few people had to remind me that I got promoted at work fairly recently, and that I have so many people at work who care about me and support me this way and that.

For a while back there, I was suffering from burnout and perhaps the lockdown fatigue was setting in and getting a firm grip on my psyche. I resented work, felt I deserved better, and could not relax during the week.

I had forgotten to take the joys of life for what they are, to stop plotting ‘the next step’ all the time, and to be thankful for what I have: a stable job in this climate, good health, and the people I love around me, despite the distance.

I worry about the future a lot—my career trajectory, our finances as a family, our plans for starting a family, future immigration… I usually do this passively. I will not be who I am or where I am if I didn’t think about my future. But sometimes I do get neurotic and fixate too much on my present circumstances. Ben told me that all my talk and fretting made me sound like I was unhappy with my life with him today.

This year has been terrible for many, but it has been very forgiving to me and my whims. I don’t ever want to take that for granted. That being said…

I have been a bit obsessed with wealth.

That’s not to say that I’ve become money-grubbing and materialistic. But I have been gobbling up resources and anecdotes on r/personalFinance and YouTube on what it means to build ‘generational wealth’ and what it means to be ‘truly rich’.

Life has been very, very good and forgiving to me. I have a fatalistic view of life, and I cannot shake off the feeling that one day, it will cash in its chips and take what it’s due.

I’m scared of going broke. I want to make all the sound financial decisions I can so that I can lay the foundation of my life and have nothing wash away everything I hold dear. An economic downturn. A calamity. An illness. I have never been laid off before, but it doesn’t mean that I never will be.

I read a description of what ‘true wealth’ means: that you can stop working today and you can keep on for x months, x years, or indefinitely.

There is a Chinese proverb that goes, 『 富不过三代’ 。』’Wealth does not pass three generations’. To be very candid, this all comes from watching my family’s wealth rise and crumble in two generations, from both sides. My grandparents were the forebears, the pioneers. The post-war boomer generation. I have memories of the nineties with Barbie dolls, Pokémon cards, console games, lavish family reunions by the poolside, wearing Osh Kosh and Gingersnaps coords (dati kasi terno lang tawag)—I thought all families had cars and got around in cars.

The wealth and memories I had of what ‘a normal life’ looked liked dissipated within a few decades. I’ve seen how angry and bitter a lack of money made people who were close to me. I’ve seen how money, or a need for money brings out the very worst in people, and causes people to hurt one another.

I have never known poverty, but I’ve known how life can fall through the cracks, leaving yourself and everyone around wanting, and watching an afterglow of a better time. I’ve seen fine houses grow steadily into disrepair, and households sink into squalor. All because key members of the family thought that the money would keep coming in and last forever.

Ben and I have our whole married lives ahead of us. There are so much to plan for in the medium-term. We’re making all the sound decisions. I feel a small vein of anxiety when I think on what layoff, calamity or sickness can upturn our lives in the flash of a moment. How secure are we, exactly?

How do you plan for the future? I feel like I should have been smarter in my twenties but at the same time I think I have managed my finances soundly. If I had ever been aggressive in my career and earning power, or have had a steadfast control of my finances, it’s because I want to break through this cycle and hope that no one I love experiences it.

If you found these points compelling, there are so many resources online to help you go through your finances and achieve ‘wealth’, ‘financial freedom’, or however you choose to frame your goals and visions in life. I particularly like Matt D’Avella’s finance videos as he is an American middle-class millenial who also had to contend with student loans. Here’s a video too, giving an overview of what it means to have ‘generational wealth’:

Forward.

This was a pretty intense roundup, from my perspective of writing it. I hope I can return to short and interesting updates, rather than rambling here and there about my beliefs.

If you’ve read this far, thanks again. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, and I’ll see you in the next roundup.

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the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away
as it hath pleased the Lord so is it done
blessed be the name of the Lord