This month, usually my favourite time of the year, was a blur of home festivities juxtaposed with long hours in the hospital. Nonetheless, the Lord is good and I write this with so much joy in my heart.
Ben’s surgery
Late Saturday a few weeks ago, Ben complained he felt bloated after dinner. It then worsened into pain so excruciating that he couldn’t walk. We both knew then that it was time to go to the ER.
Five days later, we’re both home from Medical City, where he was admitted for surgery to remove his gallbladder.
It was an incredible rollercoaster ride of emotions for me. Ben had had his appendectomy two years prior and I remember sobbing so much at the fear and anxiety that gripped me at the thought that something might go wrong. An appendectomy was routine; it was a safe procedure, and the laparoscopic cholecystectomy that Ben just had was more so. Nonetheless I couldn’t reason with my feelings. The long five hours of waiting to hear back from him from surgery broke me, and when he got discharged the relief washed over me so entirely that we had such a merry time cooking and eating hearty holiday food over Christmas, that it almost felt like a kick to the stomach when we had to return to the ER on the 27th due to a suspected upper GI bleeding on Ben’s part.
His surgeon took this very seriously, and we were a bit perplexed when the doctors told us he was to be admitted again for close monitoring. A day later (which honestly felt longer than a day), his surgeon walked in the room and explained us the full picture: a rare side-effect of Ben’s surgery is the formation of a pseudoaneurysm (it makes me feel sick typing it and my sister also felt queasy when I was telling her about it) in the connections they cut or cauterised during the procedure. Now, this was very rare, but if the pseudoaneurysm burst it had a 50% mortality rate. This explained why Dr. S told Ben to head to the ER to be endorsed to the resident surgeon, instead of having us wait for his clinic to reopen in January.
Long story short, Ben’s tests and bloodwork all came back clean / negative / unremarkable. This didn’t stop his gastroenterologist from pulling all stops though and had him undergo an endoscopy for good measure. ‘You are already here anyway,’ Dra. S said, ‘we had might as well settle it once and for all’. Surprise, surprise: Ben has GERD too.
In a world where we strive for excellence and notability, the one area I strive to be unremarkable is when it comes to medical exams and diagnostics.
We are home, Ben is well, and I am endlessly thankful that the Lord has been good to us. I cannot count how many times I said a prayer in the ER, in the hospital room, and at home. I want to thank everyone who asked after Ben, wished him well, and prayed for him. I am grateful to the people I opened up to and who talked to me and told me not to worry. Special thanks to Chad, who put up with so much from me, and to my sister Tej, for coming to us in our time of need.
Christmas at home
Pandemic or no pandemic, we were always going to have Christmas at home.
All the home office equipment we bought for video conferencing, as well as tripods for virtual workout sessions with our respective trainers found some good use for when we took our family photos this year. I’m also trying to get more comfortable with Lightroom:
A very Merry Christmas from our family to yours.
Noche buena and Christmas banquet
It’s not really a banquet if it’s just for two people, and I’m far from being able to cook an entire spread, but I’m really happy with how my preparation turned out this year:
(I chronicled the process in my Instagram stories. I might highlight them.)
Caramel slice
I have never heard of this well-loved baked good and it was Leah who mentioned making them last month that got me looking into them. Ben said he loves them so much that he’d marry me again if I manage to pull off making them at home. So I did.
Despite a ‘failed’ first attempt, the slices didn’t last long and Ben said I had raised the bar in terms of what we could make at home. Attempting them again for New Year’s Eve.
Lasagna
Another of Ben’s comfort foods. I made these for the first time last year (it was what prompted me to gather the courage to learn to use our gas oven). Last year’s version was so… liquid, that it failed to set and we were scooping lasagna soup on our plates rather than slicing them into serves. This year, it turned out pretty well and, despite what I said about it being too much for just the two of us, was two-thirds gone in one sitting.
Mango float
A Filipino classic for the holidays. I have fond memories of homemade mango-Graham cake (as we called it back then) and figured it was easy to do. My mistake. I chose a recipe last year and didn’t account for the hand mixer it mentioned so last year’s mango float was quite an abomination, if a tasty one.
To my utter delight, Ben loves this too! I was also able to share some with Tej while she was over during Ben’s second hospital stay.
Fried chicken
I am a huge sucker for Filipino-style fried chicken. Nothing beats the fatty, salty crunch of the battered skin against the juicy flavourful meat. My ideal birthday party banquet is spaghetti, fried chicken, and chocolate cake. (Throw in hotdogs on stick and ice cream there if it’s a children’s party).
I don’t know if I went wrong with the recipe, but the batter took on a very unusual consistency that weirded Ben out. (He said it was similar to the batter his mum would use for fish.) Nonetheless, after it had been stored in the fridge Ben discovered he loved it cold! So guess who was nomming on fried chicken on Boxing Day, a day before he had to return to the emergency room? Ha ha ha smh I am bad waifu.
Gifts to each other
Share ko lang. Ben and I love to spoil each other on special occasions. For this year, he bought me an iPad for my birthday and its accessories for Christmas. I found this touching for many reasons:
- He’d known for months that I had a tablet on my wish list as a reward to myself for a stretch goal in my weight loss journey. He knew it was a stretch goal and he knew I would look for secondhand tablets if I ever met it, and he said he couldn’t stand the thought of me buying myself a well-worn tablet and get hoodwinked online if it was faulty, or such.
- Him buying the accessories (the leatherette folding case thingy, in my favourite colour) saved me a lot of hours trying to pick out what I might like. I’m very indecisive and once spent four hours trying to pick out a bouquet of flowers to send to my mom on her birthday.
My gifts to him on the other hand:
Nikka Whiskey from the Barrel
An award-winning Japanese whiskey. This was a no-brainer as he had told me he’d like it as a gift as soon as he saw the ad for it on Facebook.
He has no plans on drinking this soon. He said it’s a special occasion whiskey. I’m not a whiskey person at all, but I’d like to share this with him when the right occasion comes. I might even buy proper whiskey tumblers!
Hugo Boss fragrances
His signature scents as he’s almost out. Again, another no-brainer. I tried getting the 100 mL bottles but mysteriously they were not available in the few perfume stands I’ve tried.
Muji cotton towel
This was the only surprise for Ben, and I told him beforehand he didn’t have to like it. He knows my obsession with Muji and has scoffed a few times at the overpriced crap I’ve brought home from there. To my pleasant surprise, he liked it as soon as he pulled it out of the box. To further my delight, he put it on his towel rack before it had even dried completely from the first wash.
It’s nice to have a nice, quality bath towel that isn’t frayed, pilling, bleached, or stained. All the towels we have at home are at least one of those four things.
So that’s what my December looked like. Now to reflect on some of my plans for the new year:
Diet and health
‘You should take care of yourselves,’ my father said over the phone after we got home from the hospital a second time. ‘You and Ben have your whole lives ahead of you.’
Social media has laid bare our lives and habits to our families and friends, despite the distance. My father noticed all the rich food we ate and indulged ourselves in. Granted, the pandemic caused Ben and me to have a reliable meal plan for the week that incorporates more vegetables than we had eaten any year prior. Nonetheless, after Ben’s surgery and GERD diagnosis I am keen on improving our diets to incorporate more healthy options.
I also sat down a week or so ago and resolved, after failing my weight loss goals for the nth time, to finally draw a line in the sand regarding foods to avoid, as well as to actively seek out healthier foods as a goal for the year.
Estate planning
The days in Medical City were a whirlwind of anxiety, frustration, and relief for me and Ben. I know it sounds laughable, when you read about laparoscopic cholecystectomy, that Ben and I were worried about the possibility of things going wrong. Death didn’t just come close to the surface of our thoughts—it broke through. We didn’t speak of it outright, but it was obvious from how, an hour before his surgery, Ben was insistent on setting me up as his emergency contact on his password manager, and set to give me access if he had no activity in three days.
Post-surgery, I admitted to him that I thought about him dying, and he said he thought of it as a ‘what if’ scenario. And I thought, we need to sit down and take the time to think about these things. So from now on, every January, we have a calendar invite for an ‘Annual Family Estate Planning’ to evaluate the next twelve months:
It sounds pretentious AF, but to be honest it’s a succinct description. Even as we are childless and have few assets and obligations, here are a few examples of what we’ve talked about:
- If I die in the next twelve months, Ben would probably move back to Australia and blot the Philippines out of his memory. I told him to use my life insurance benefit to zero out his loan and to ‘jumpstart’ his life, and to use it all for him and not worry about my family.
- If Ben dies in the next twelve months, I would probably never move to Australia. I would probably use his super and life insurance benefit to finance a house or apartment in Pasig, if I decide to settle down for good. Or I might look into traveling to other countries and see my job prospects there.
We thought about many other things… but those are between us as husband and wife.
Incremental changes to my daily piety
I realise, more and more, that practicing my faith enriches my life. Aside from the usual things—going to mass, praying when I remember to, almsgiving—I want to take small steps to express my faith in a way that feels meaningful and natural.
Friday abstinence
I’ll try to incorporate more plant-based meals and fewer pescatarian pickings. Fish has become a premium protein on its own that it hardly feels like a sacrifice to forego red meat for seafood. Plus I know a few decent tofu recipes now, and discovered how yummy oyster mushrooms are. But those aside, Ben and I really should learn to be more creative with vegetables.
Sunday as a day of rest
The other day I saw an article about a ‘do nothing’ day. It was in the context, of course, of minimalism, intentionality, and slow living. Coincidentally, it is also a much older tenet of the Catholic faith:
‘On Sundays and other holy days of obligation, the faithful are to refrain from engaging in work or activities that hinder the worship owed to God, the joy proper to the Lord’s Day, the performance of the works of mercy, and the appropriate relaxation of mind and body…’
CCC 2185
Aside from setting aside Sunday as the one day of the week I set no alarm and have no agenda for the day, I also want to take it up a notch and ensure that I can get used to spending it at home, with my family:
Those Christians who have leisure should be mindful of their brethren who have the same needs and the same rights, yet cannot rest from work because of poverty and misery… Christians will also sanctify Sunday by devoting time and care to their families and relatives, often difficult to do on other days of the week. Sunday is a time for reflection, silence, cultivation of the mind, and meditation which furthers the growth of the Christian interior life.
CCC 2186
Sanctifying Sundays and holy days requires a common effort. Every Christian should avoid making unnecessary demands on others that would hinder them from observing the Lord’s Day. Traditional activities (sport, restaurants, etc.), and social necessities (public services, etc.), require some people to work on Sundays, but everyone should still take care to set aside sufficient time for leisure… Employers have a similar obligation toward their employees.
CCC 2187
My life is so hectic that if I can’t even lay out one day a week without going shopping or ordering in or eating out or doing other errands, then there must be something wrong and I am too busy. Between my tendency to procrastinate and my need to feel productive, I would really like to make an intentional effort to keep Sunday as true day of rest.
Since we’re talking about rest…
More intentional with holidays and rest
When it comes to my day job, I was never the type to plan my holidays, except when I needed to. Or particularly Christmas.
For the most part, my holidays were reactive and in small doses—an errand here, a family obligation there.
This year, it left me particularly burned out and counting the days towards the next public holiday or long weekend. Therefore, in 2021, I’m going to pre-book my vacation leaves to make sure I get at least three solid weeks off of work.
Calm has an excellent masterclass on this subject, called The Power of Rest, narrated by Dr. Alex Pang and is based on his book. If you’d like to see the CliffsNotes, I wrote the takeaways here.
Changing my relationships with screentime
I used to swear by app timers and browser extensions like StayFocusd to limit my screentime and distractions.
This instead set the tone of my relationship with the apps and sites I limited, mostly social media. Instead of being mindful, as Cal Newport suggests in Digital Minimalism, I developed a destructive relationship where I try to squeeze in as much gratification from them as I could, because the timer will run out anyway, then I cave and disable the app timers and extensions.
When I started removing the timers, there was no ‘whelp, I have ten minutes left anyway I’d might as well use the next ten minutes for it’ moment. I find that when I use social media now with no strings attached, I opened them and dismissed them as I pleased, and I was quick to move when I realise I’m browsing out of boredom.
Changes to my blog
My monthly roundups got me into the habit of blogging consistently again, but to be honest a lot of them have been long and tiring.
I backloaded them ’til month-end and my drafts turn into a pile of content mush that I have to pick through to get highlights that I think are notable.
In a way, it’s a passive and reactive process and only just logs my life, not my passions.
I want to write more interesting content. I’ll keep my roundups, but I perhaps I will not strictly keep the monthly cadence. Part of my goals this year is to publish one non-roundup post per quarter, and to have a regular scheduled time for blogging, so that publishing one post doesn’t leave me exhausted.
So that’s the long December for us. I’m looking forward to my New Year posts… Of course I’m going to cram them once more. Have a lovely Christmastide and see you in the new year!