There is a hard disk drive that sits in my drawer for most of the year. When I remember to, I plug it onto my computer and take a trip down memory lane, during a time before I ever owned a smartphone, or had my own phone plan, and had many photos of myself taken (mostly by an ex who was an amateur portrait photographer—he’s gotten so much better now and has amazing photos of birds and sceneries. We don’t talk anymore. I thank him for that.)
I’ve chosen to share them now for a few reasons, which, to be honest, are the same whether I chose to post now, a year before, or years hence:
- This hard disk drive will die one day, and the files in it irretrievable.
- I look different ten years ago than I do now (well, duh). But you’ll understand when you see my photos—before I discovered reddit for skincare advice, before I had the disposable income to truly take care of myself, before I gained 20 pounds on top of my weight gain already during that time.
- I don’t like looking back at this period, for a few reasons. But I was who I was, and still am, and these photos truly happened.
- It shows me glipses of the past—how my life looked, the daily routines I used to have, the things I used to consume, how I used to dress, the world I had known and lived in.
- An exercise in self-love—these photos never got shared, because I just never looked good enough to me, and was ashamed of sharing them. If I could tell my past self how pretty she was, I’d tell her more too, about healing, letting go of bitterness, about how life can get better, half by grace and half by chance. But I don’t think Past Jean would have needed the help—she found her way to the present, after all.
So, without further ado:
I still have photos from that social media-less era. Might do more time capsules and photo dumps on this blog.
Eh, you can open an image in a new tab if you want to see it better. Can’t be bothered to caption anything. K thx bai.
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